No what ifs

Have you spent some night thinking about what you should have done but didn’t do? If yes, then you know exactly what I am going to write about. Regret! Some say guilt is the heaviest burden; they say wrong. When you do something and it goes all wrong, it fills you with guilt. You can undo that thing; you can do something to diminish the awful things that ensued, you know it shouldn’t have been done, at least you know it is bad. But the opportunity that wasn’t taken is a permanent void. It’s a permanent question mark, it’s like sand that slipped away from your hand, you will never know whether it was good or bad, you will never know what its consequences would have been, how it would have changed you. These questions will always ebb in and out of your mind for eternity. It is like that last letter, which you lost, from someone whom you never met again. What it could have been? It’s an endless ripple.

So let me tell you a story. There was a boy who was honest and he believed others are honest too. This boy always tried to act in a way that no one ever gets hurt because of him and he believed other also do the same. He had a belief that one should always do what they said and he thought that others also shared the same belief. And this boy of our story, he had a big fat ego. Anything that pricked his ego was the last thing in his life. This boy prepared for a very tough competitive exam for two years to get into the best college of his country. Sadly, his preparation wasn’t good enough and he couldn’t make it by just a few marks. This particular thing impaled his ego. According to the rules, he could have prepared for one more year; but he thought if those premier colleges didn’t take him this time, they aren’t worth going to. So he settled for a college that though not at par with those premier colleges had a decent reputation. Next year, he saw people who reappeared in that competitive exam and cracked it. He wondered, if they could do it what I could have done. He kept on thinking about this whole time. He didn’t sleep, he just kept on turning from one edge of the bed to other, lost in his reverie. But he never got an answer!!

This boy of our story, he loved a girl. The girl said he loved her too and he believed her. Our boy said he trusted her and would never betray her. The girl said the same and he, as he had said, trusted her. Sadly, due to circumstances, they parted in terms of distance; the boy had to leave the city. The boy said he would still love the girl. The girl said the same, and the boy as he had said earlier, trusted her. The boy had a very good friend who happened to be a girl. The boy’s girlfriend also had a very good friend who was a guy. The girl said she didn’t like his friend and that he should stop talking to that ‘very good friend’ of his. With great difficulty he fulfilled her orders. The boy never suspected his love as he believed the whole world to be as morale as he. But soon, he discovered, the world wasn’t fair enough. His love was no more only his love. The very good friend of her was not just a friend. His ego was again pricked. He left her like a polythene in garbage dump. He wondered what would have happened if he had questioned her order of leaving his friend. He wondered which course his life would have taken then. He just kept on thinking but never got an answer. After some time, his ex contacted him again and asked for forgiveness and asked him to return. But his ego didn’t allow him to do so. And guess what….he is now thinking about what would have happened if he would have just accepted her back.

It is said that Einstein had developed a model of time machine but before he could have applied it, he died. So unfortunately for now, we can’t live one moment twice. Every second that we waste doing nothing is a lost opportunity. That startup you always planned but never started because of fear, that girl you never proposed because of fear of rejection, that trip you cancelled because you had some other priority, that anger you didn’t vent out because you thought it might hurt the other person, that festival you didn’t celebrate because of sadness of some failure, that friend’s birthday you missed because of some office meeting…..these all moments are like that lost letter. You will never find peace with the questions that these missed things will raise within you. Ever wondered how many people you have already met for the last time, how many places you have already visited for the last time. At night when you are alone, your achievements would not delight you, your failures may haunt you but your regrets would surely creep right under that thick skull and plough away sleep from your mind. Very few bollywood movies I like and Zindgi Milegi Na Dobara is one of them. There is a scene when Katrina Kaif and Hritik Roshan part their ways in movie without expressing their love. Then Katrina Kaif rides on a bike, chase him, stop him and kiss him saying “Mujhe afsos karna nhi ata” (I don’t know how to regret). That ten minute scene inspires me more than any documentary. Live a life of no regrets.