Bennington fever!

I still remember it was the monsoon of 2009, one of my classmates had sneaked in an iPod in the classroom. It wasn’t actually an ‘iPod’ but one of those cheap Chinese copies of the same. Anyways, that kid had become a mini celebrity that day in class as sneaking in some electrical appliance was considered uber cool those days. So, on that fateful day during the recess hour when the monsoon shower was in full throttle mode outside, that guy introduced me to my first ever English song- ‘Bleed it out’ by Linkin Park.

Having grown up on Bollywood music of Sonu Nigam and A R Rahman, that song sounded a bit queer. That fast-paced rock music with almost incomprehensible rap (I didn’t understand a word that time!) and occasional growling by the lead vocalist almost made me question the sanity of my friend. After he turned it off, I knew I wasn’t going to hear it again. I haven’t been more wrong in my life since then. A few days later, I borrowed memory card from the same friend for a reason that eludes my mind now but I found the same song in it. I listened to that song once again and found my feet tapping on that rap rhythm. I replayed it once more and this time my lips were humming to its tone. I decided to listen a few more of its songs and heard Faint, One step Closer, In the End, Crawling and Papercut on that day itself. Since then there has been no turning back and Linkin Park discography has always been on my playlist.

Today, on hearing the sad news of Chester Bennington’s death, that particular day came flashing before my eyes making me realize everything indeed gets ‘lost in the echo’. The boy in me cried a lot. During my school days, I was strangely addicted to LP’s song, so much that I had memorized all of their songs- Shinoda’s rap, Chester’s screams and even the beats of drums. I remember how my mother used to reprimand me when I sang those songs in home trying to imitate Chester's voice. Even today when I hear any of those songs my lips automatically start humming those lyrics. I find it strange that even after all these years, those lyrics are clearly etched in my mind.

There is a reason LP is so special to me. Besides their brilliant music and impeccable performances, there is another facet of emotional connection that binds me to it. First of all, almost all of their songs told me the blatant realities when everyone around me including my parents and teachers were trying to sugarcoat the bitter truth. Then there was Chester himself. His gritty husky voice that echoed in your ears long after the song had stopped. His personality. His tattoos. His performances that were impregnated with gusto. Everything made me revere him more and more. He was everything that I was not. And who could not be moved by those crisp lyrics? I still remember I used to hear Faint for the entire day during the time of my first heartbreak (or breakup or whatever you call it!). LP has a song for my every mood!

I found a kind of escape in those songs when no one else understood me. One of the many things that I wanted to do when I had enough money was to hear Chester Bennington live! I know I can’t fulfill my that dream anymore and it shatters my heart. Still, my mind is in a denial state and it is really hard for me to digest that he committed suicide. A guy who saved me from so many emotional turmoils committed suicide himself!

Life and its ironies!

“I can’t feel the way I did before

Don’t turn your back on me, I won’t be ignored.

Time won’t heal, this damage anymore

Don’t turn your back on me, I won’t be ignored”

When pani puri teaches you life lesson!

Sometimes strange thoughts can strike you at strange places. You can just step out of your house and find an ordinary phuchka wala (for core UPites its pani puri wala) and he can give you one of the deepest lessons of life. On this day, i.e 16^th July, four years back JEE Mains counselling system allotted me Mechanical Engineering in NIT Durgapur. On 23^rd July 2013, I moved to this new city which was going to become my home for the next four years. Usually, I am not very good with remembering dates, even forgot my girlfriend’s birthday (man that was a bad day!), but I know I will never forget these two dates as they changed my life forever.

When I moved to Durgapur, I found a strange city. The people were strange, their culture was strange, their language was strange; there was nothing that I could relate to my hometown Lucknow. People who know me know what a foodie I am, so obviously the biggest discomfort that I faced there was a lack of the type of street food that I was used to. And my biggest disappointment was the phuchka/pani puri that was sold there. Here in Lucknow, they fill your puchka with mashed boiled peas and serve you each puchka with a different flavor of water (pudina, lemon etc). I had eaten only this type of puchka since my childhood and when in Durgapur the vendor filled it with mashed potato that was so spicy that it literally brought tears to my eyes and then served me all the six puchkas with the same flavor of water I knew these coming four years are not going to be easy.

 Fast forward four years, here I am back in Lucknow and just yesterday I stepped out of my house to find my favorite puchka wala. No wonder I decided to devour some puchkas before heading onto my business. After I ate my first puchka I found something amiss. I found that puchka too plain. I said, “dada thoda jhaal aur dal do” (Uncle please spice it up a bit more). The vendor gave me a what on earth are you saying look and it was at that time I realized I was not in Durgapur anymore. I will never be eating those over spicy puchkas with same water in each serving. I gave the vendor a never mind look and continued to eat my rest of the puchkas with mashed peas filled in it while my taste buds were still craving for those spicy mashed potatoes.

I had never thought that I would be craving for a thing that I despised once. Maybe that’s what happens when you leave a place. You get this strange feeling. You don’t only miss that place and the people you love but you also miss the person you were at that place. I can never be that carefree college student again. I can never bunk those lectures or chill with friends in the hostel room or go to the dhaba in the middle of the night or eat that spicy potato puchka ever again. And who knows what I will like or dislike after the next four years!! 

Lunchbox

The scorching sunlight smouldered the ground but that had little effect on the kids who have just begun to enjoy their recess time. Entire playground was thronged with children, some were running to catch someone else, some were just trying to protect their lunch from their hungry friends, some were simply standing and complaining about how boring the previous period was and how even more exhausting the coming four periods will be, some were buzzing around the canteen for the delicious chhola samosa that Kiran uncle made. Amidst all this, in the shady corner of the ground near the staircase, Saurabh was sitting all alone watching the other kids play and fall. Shrey came running towards him and sat beside him, panting and all drenched in sweat. “You haven’t brought lunch today?” he asked trying to catch his breath. “No. My parents are out of station,” Saurabh replied without looking at him.

“Ohh! Where have they gone?”

“They have gone to Paris.” Saurabh looked at Shrey with a smug grin.

“Wow! They have gone there for tour?”

“It’s actually their anniversary. Every year they go to some exotic location to celebrate their anniversary. Last year they went to Switzerland.”

“That’s great! Your parents are so romantic! I have never seen even a glimpse of romance in mine. They are always busy in usual mundane tasks. I don’t even know when their anniversary is. Haven’t you gone with them sometime?”

“Always there are exams around the corner at this time of year so I haven’t gone with them on their anniversary outings. But they always take me to some place during vacations. I love that time. It’s always great being with them. When I grow up I wish I get married to a pretty girl and we stay happy like my parents.”

“Yeah, now even I want the same. Here, have some food; my Mom may not have travelled like yours but she knows how to cook some delicious biryani.”

Saurabh ate a spoonful of biryani. “Take my lunch, I am already full. I am going to play. Wanna come?” Shrey asked as he stood up. “No, I like to just sit.” Before Saurabh could finish, Shrey had already sprinted off. He looked at the lunch and couldn’t wait any longer. He made sure no one was watching him and then filled his hands with rice and gulped down the biryani like a caveman. He felt relieved as his stomach was no more aching because of hunger. He had only had a glass of milk that morning. The recess time was finally over. The bell rang and children scattered back to their classes.

After the school got over, Saurabh quietly went to the cycle stand, took out his cycle and slowly started riding back to his home. On the way, he found Shrey eating phuchka with his friend. Saurabh furtively turned his bicycle and took another way. He reached home, unlocked the door, went in his room and slumped down on his bed, gazing at the rotating fan and calculating how much time is left for the clock to strike seven.

Finally, it was seven and the doorbell rang. Saurabh scuttled to the door with a grin on his face and opened the door. It was his mom. “How was your day little champion?” She bent down to get to his height and hugged him. “Bad….very bad” Saurabh snapped. “Aww….what happened dear?” she asked as she put her hand bag on the sofa and took out water bottle from the fridge. “There was no lunch today, I was so hungry. Everyone else but I had lunch, “ Saurabh said in the cutest voice possible. “What? Your father didn’t give you money for buying lunch?” She asked in surprise. “No, he left while I was still bathing. Mom, please from tomorrow pack some lunch for me,” Saurabh said in a low tone. “Yes, why not beta, it was just today that I had to leave early because of this meeting. See what I brought for you,” she took out a brown envelope from her bag and gave it to him. Saurabh tore it to find his favourite cheese burger in it. This one hour, from seven to eight in evening was Saurabh’s favourite time in entire day. It was during this hour when he didn’t feel lonely. He felt alive as his mother pampered him. He wanted to live his entire day in this one hour because he knew, once the clock strikes eight, it won’t be the same anymore.

Very soon, the clock struck eight. The grin from Saurabh’s face disappeared. He slowly retreated back to his room and locked the room. He heard muffled sound of door unlocking and his father’s footsteps. There was a brief conversation and then there was shouting. “For god’s sake! Even you could have left fifty bucks on the table. Why make such a big issue?” he heard his father screaming.

“It’s such a big issue because he is your kid too and it’s your duty too.”

“I think we had agreed upon this. You will look after his daily expenses and I will look after his monthly expenses. I think food comes in daily expense.”

“I told you I would be leaving early, I asked for one simple help and you couldn’t even do it. It has been the same since you met that Disha.”

“Oh God!! Why do you have to bring her again and again in every matter.”

Then there was this sound of some cup falling followed by even more shouting and screaming. Saurabh covered his ears with his hands and tears started cascading down his cheeks. “I don’t want to grow up.” He said, trying hard to shut away those screaming noises. “I don’t want to grow up and get married.” He fell down on the floor. His seven-year-old brain couldn’t take it anymore. The noise was too much, his hands couldn’t shut them away. “I don’t want to grow up and become like my parents.” He moaned these words as he finally blacked out because of the migraine attack.