On the river bank

“A man in suit…..that’s new,” the old man said in his quivering voice as he sat beside Rohit. A whiff of cheap cigarette emanated from Rohit’s breath as he looked at the kurta clad scrawny old man. “What’s new about it?” he asked indifferently. “In dark nights like this…..beside this ever flowing river, I have seen people, a lot of them. Beggars with empty stomachs, sadhus with no home, wanderers who were lost, people with urns brimmed with ashes of the demised……..and this benevolent bank embraces all of them. But you seem like none of them,” the old man said. Rohit looked at him and then at the dark clouds that had muffled the full moon completely. There was ubiquitous silence, nothing but the gentle flow of river was audible. It was odd; the frogs weren’t croaking, the crickets weren’t chirping, the owls weren’t hooting and Rohit wasn’t speaking. “If not anything else……you can at least tell me your name,” this time the old man nudged him.

Rohit was irked now. If that had been another day, Rohit and the old man would have been pals by now. But that day was different. He wanted to shut him away from everything……just like the moon had shut itself from earth behind the clouds. He wanted to yell at the old man and wanted him to leave……but at that moment he didn’t have enough strength for yet another outburst, so he just replied with a lump in his throat. “Rohit…..my name is Rohit.” The old man put his arms over his shoulders affectionately. “You seem troubled young man….what’s troubling you.”

Maybe it was the eerie silence or the haunting darkness or maybe it was that affectionate gesture, the type of which he hadn’t received since the day he submerged his father’s ashes in the same river which was flowing in front of him, that made him break down after three long arduous months. He had faced everything but this was the first time that his eyes finally vented out the pain of failure. “I am a big bad failure….. I don’t know why I should live anymore,” he sobbed inconsolably.

   

“But what happened?”

“It all started three months back….. I lost the contract….the shares fell…. I lost my father….. I couldn’t pay my employees…..finally I had to close my company….. I got bankrupt and today…..they auctioned my house. There is nothing new about me mister…..rather I am some part of all the people you’ve met here.” His voice was almost incomprehensible because of the continuous sobs. A slight breeze passed over the land ruffling his airs. The old man looked patiently at the young man’s tears joining the river in its flow. “So you have come here to end your life?” The old man asked. “No…..but now I intend to.” Rohit wasn’t sobbing anymore, his voice was rather hollow. He stood up abruptly and just then his wallet slipped from his pocket, stumbled down the smooth pebbles and went splashing into the water. Rohit immediately jumped into the river and after a lot of searching finally came back with his wallet.

“How much money is there in your wallet?”

“Five hundred something….why?”

“You have lost all your fortune …..what difference a loss a few more five hundred bucks would have made that you strived so hard to get it back.”

“It wasn’t for the money….it was for this,” he showed him his wallet. There was a drenched photo of a cute little girl with sparkling black eyes and rosy cheeks. “She is my daughter…..four years now. She now lives with her mother since I got bankrupt. This is the last photo I have of her.” The old man laughed. Rohit looked at him in dismay. “What is there to laugh?”

“I am laughing at the irony dear. You said you are bankrupt yet your wallet is so rich!!”

Rohit was stunned for a while. The river now reflected the lunar light as the moon had broken away from the shackles of cloud. “My daughter used to chide me for making her search the entire house for my spects while those pair of glasses rested in the pocket of my kurta. If she were here…..she would have chided you too. Most often the things we are searching for are right there under our nose…..but our eyes couldn’t see them. You have a reason young man….a reason to live….a treasure to keep.” The old man also stood up, patted Rohit on his back and began trotting away. “Hey thanks mister….that was some good advice… I needed it. Who are you?” Rohit asked.

“Just someone who is not as rich as you are.” 

A room full of cakes !!

“Fixing up a car to drive in it again

Searching for the water hoping for the rain

Up and up, up and up”

I have been absent from my blog since past several months and once again Coldplay inspired me to write. Up & up released a few days back and you just can’t hear its lyrics and not pick up your lazy ass from that couch. I can associate a number of reasons for not writing an article in past two or perhaps three months- classes, exams, relationship problems and many more; but the truth is, they all will be nothing but vague excuses. I have been busy in guilty pleasures and have been procrastinating almost everything- my writing, my reading even my CAT preparations. I now even feel guilty in calling writing my passion.

There was a man who loved cakes. But in his village there was no one who could make cakes. So the man travelled vast stretches of deserts, scaled gigantous mountains, swam over monstrous tides to reach a room. The room was filled with vanilla flavored cakes but the man liked chocolate flavored cakes. The room had an exit door but it was locked. There was no key to the locked door but that door was made up of a material which became soft on hitting. The more he hit, the softer it became. But once he stopped hitting, it became hard again. Now the man had two options, either he could live the rest of his life eating vanilla cakes or he could keep on smashing the door till it became soft enough to break.

“You can say what is, or fight for it

Close your mind or take a risk”

Aren’t we all like that man? Aren’t we all trapped in a room with vanilla cakes? We all have struggled in our past to reach the point at which we are now. But we aren’t satisfied with what we have gained, we want more, we want something better, we want chocolate cakes. Most of us chose to eat the easily available vanilla cake for the rest of our lives. But when the stars rise and the eyes close, chocolate cakes always come floating in the dream. Many of us start hitting the door and the door becomes soft but after sometime we think why not eat vanilla cakes, moreover who knows even after breaking the door we will get chocolate cake and hence we pause and the door becomes hard again.

The world has so many more unsuccessful men than successful men because not everyone has the perseverance to break the door. For me that door is CAT exam, for someone else it may be GATE exam or some startup idea or some tournament or anything. We have to keep on hitting the door till it breaks open. Yes, the future is uncertain and that is the beauty of it. We don’t know that behind that door lies chocolate cake or not but if we don’t break it, we would never know. We succumb to drudgery so easily that we fail to appreciate the magnificence of risk.

The key point is to understand that to achieve greatness we have to continue trying because the moment we stop, everything starts getting undone. And this is what I am trying to explain myself. We just can’t bask in our old victories; we have to create new ones so that old ones don’t get tainted by the name of luck. Life, as they say, is a journey. And I believe it should only end in the flow of holy ganges. Till then don’t stop and eat only vanilla cakes…….go on break the door!!    

Something Super

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a superhero-flying around in cape, saving people, fighting aliens and stuff like that. Then life happened and my ambitions veered. Since then I have thought of myriad things that I could become-president, pilot, cartoonist and what not. Finally, I am pursuing engineering and still I don’t know what I want to become. But one thing I know for sure now-what I don’t want to be the rest of my life; a mechanical engineer.

In spite of this, the dream of becoming a superhero never quite eluded my mind. I have always admired them, haven’t we all? At the end of the day, we all want to be a hero, if not superhero, in the eyes of whom we love. I have always been an avid follower of comics and their characters and what I have discovered is that even after all those powers that these superheroes have, they have limits; even after all that ultimate strength, they are vulnerable’ even after all that speed; they have barriers. Their anecdotes are not legendary because of everything super that they have but because they could bear pain without breaking. Take any of the hero, the villain is always stronger and more resourceful. Flash is the fastest man alive yet Dr. Zoom is faster than him, Wonder Woman is a decorated warrior yet Cheetah is better at fighting than her, Green Arrow is the best archer but there is Merlyn who aims better than him, Thor has Loki, Batman has Joker, even Superman has a nemesis who is stronger than he is-Doomsday.

You might be wondering why I am rambling all this here. There are people who keep on asking me why follow something that can never be true, something that is so far from reality. This is an answer to them. I don’t follow these characters with superhuman powers because I am in awe of their extraordinary fictional feats or because I need an escape from reality but because they inspire me to never lose hope. Just before the previous semester, I got an all-time low SGPA and a dwindling CGPA ensued. It was the beginning of pre-final year and such a setback was not at all expected. And when I thought I couldn’t get back in the race I remembered a story. Once Dr. Hurt, Black Glove and Joker ganged up and poisoned Bruce Wayne and then buried him alive beside his father’s grave. They beat up Alfred, and burnt down the bat-cave. They literally took everything from him. Doesn’t it look like a dead end? But he was Batman….guess what he did? He bench-pressed the coffin lid through 600 pounds of lose dirt and literally set himself free from his own grave and then kicked the hell out of those idiots. I tried showing the same perseverance and after one semester I scored my all-time high SGPA. Though I may not have saved humanity by doing this but at least I fought my villains.

Wonder woman once said, “I have no idea where I am going to be tomorrow but I accept the fact that tomorrow will come. And I am going to rise to meet it.” Every night I tell myself the same thing. These heroes have taught me the real meaning of silver lining. They have taught me that you can never accomplish anything without facing adversity. Peter Parker saw his uncle Ben die to become spiderman, Bruce Wayne witnessed the murder of his parents to become Batman, Martian Manhunter watched his entire race getting wiped out, even Tony Stark was captured in a war before he built his armor. No matter how gifted you are, there is someone better than you trying to pull you down. You have to be focused, you have to constantly train, you have to persevere to outsmart your opponent.

Almost all of them have extraordinary powers but my favorite one is their superhuman will to adhere to the path of righteousness. Even though they have all the power in the world, yet they don’t kill people. Even scumbags like Lex Luthor, Manderin or Joker. This teaches me the power of self-restraint, the power to stick to your principles. All it would take Thor a swing of hammer to kill Loki, yet he allows him to live. I live in a hostel and there a number of distractions here, distractions which can prove fatal in the long run like the distraction of drugs and alcohol. Almost all of my friends take them, I refrain myself from doing so because once you step in the swamp, you either drown or come out really-really dirty. Again, I don’t save the world by choosing not to smoke weed but I know I save the trust of my mother who believed in me when she sent me away from her that her son would follow the moral code that she had taught me since I could learn.

You really don’t need to have superpowers to be a superhero. And also you don’t have to save the city to be a superhero. As Batman said-a hero can be anyone. Yes, indeed a hero can be anyone. If you are fighting the devil of procrastination and doing your work on time, then also you are a hero. If you can keep a promise you gave to someone then also you are a hero. If you can dream something and achieve it then also you are a hero. Don’t we all have that inner desire to gain some super power? And the truth is……we all have that power within us to turn us into a hero……we all have something super within us and we don’t have to wear capes to let it come out.

Symbiotic Beings

For years he was wandering in solitude. He was in solitude, not loneliness….there’s a difference. He wasn’t searching for anything to complete him; he was complete on his own; rather he was looking for his complement. He was cynical or perhaps skeptic. He was constantly asked to be mature that’s why he shoved that kid in him at the back of his conscience. Still, no matter how hard he subdued; that kid erupted in his manners now and then. This made him even more conscious about his outward appearance. He always questioned why he was doing so? Was it because someone close to him left him just because he was too childish or was it because he wanted to come out of that ‘youngest kid in the family’ image?

In India life’s tough if you are a girl or if you are short. Unfortunately, she was both. She wasn’t the girl you would find every day, after all, how many girls you know bet on when Kohli will get out in the ongoing cricket match? While other girls pondered over distinguishing their favorite color between magenta red and crimson red, she very candidly said “screw it!! I don’t have a favorite color”. She was different, not different as in you wouldn’t forget her face once you saw her in the crowd-she was too short to be seen in the crowd; but different intrinsically. She wasn’t the girl you would remember for her artificially painted beautiful face. That doesn’t mean she was not beautiful. She was beautiful. Beautiful in a way you can’t see. Beautiful in a way you can only perceive. She was beautiful deep down to her soul.

You see, she wasn’t a regular girl. She was an amalgamation of stones and feathers. At one time she would run a 7km marathon and win, and at other she would faint by walking two steps. Her innocent face hid a universe of unexplored pain in which no one was allowed to peek in. She had problems, but she wasn’t a damsel in distress. She didn’t want anyone to solve them for her, she only wanted someone to understand her quirks. The best thing about her was, she was a mummy; not those cursed corpses they rant about in folk lore. Like a mummy preserves the body organs, she preserved the childhood. She loved children and became one herself when she was around them. That’s why she was the answer to all his questions.

She complemented him and he was the astronaut of her space. They were the perfect symbiotic beings the nature ever produced. They still are.

What defines a relationship?

This post is not a story. It’s not a thought either. It is basically a question that has intrigued me since the time I learnt that ‘relationship’ wouldn’t be a proper word in the sentence ‘I am in a loving relationship with my sister’. Yeah, I was a 6^th grader and was asked to write an essay on ‘My sister’ (they ask to write essay on such topics even in class 6^th !!) and my intention was to write that she loves me a lot. Believe me, I am not a Lannister. So the question is “What defines a relationship?”

I know I am going to take CAT exam about 11 months from now and that I should be well acquainted with meanings of such simple words but still. The more I contemplate about it, the more I get entangled. Ok, so there are two people, friends, and everything is fine. Then one fine day, one of them says “I love you” and the other one reiterates those three words with a concatenation of “too” at the end and they enter into a relationship. They will celebrate that day for next few months or probably years, till they don’t find someone else. My question is, what happens in that moment that suddenly changes things from ‘we are friends’ to ‘we are in relationship’. What is that transition phase? What is that thin line that distinguishes the two?

Is it holding hands or a kiss or probably sex? But aren’t these things that people do ‘outside’ of relationship also. I have seen friends normally holding each other’s hands while crossing the street that doesn’t mean they are in relationship! Is it love alone that defines it? I have also seen people saying ‘I love you but I don’t want a relationship’ so even the criterion of love is out of question. Or is it the size of their wallet or the color of their skin?

Be with someone who makes you happy, they say. Yet, I see people tolerating the other person for no good reason. I mean it completely baffles me to think that why would someone stay with the guy who hits her? Why would someone spend so much on a girl when he clearly knows she won’t be there when his credit card expires? And then there are those one sided love stories. They are like feticide of the world of relationships. 

In india, you probably won’t get laid before your suhagrat, so if you have a girlfriend or boyfriend here, how is he or she different from your best friend? At emotional level, probably your best pal has known you since the time you wore knickers and so obviously knows you better than that guy whom you met at the party last week. So how you differentiate those two connections? How you know that you aren’t teetering on that thin line that demarcates the both?

How do people know it is more than friendship? I read somewhere ‘people with whom you talk after 12 aren’t just friends’. Well good luck people working night shifts at call center!! How do people know they are ready 'finally'? I wonder about those butterflies people talk about in their stomach when they see their so called ‘better halves’. Do those butterflies die when they lie to their partners, when they cheat, when they fight?

Yeah, you probably might have guessed I am forever alone types…..maybe that’s why this question particularly intrigues me ‘what defines a relationship?’

i am a girl

I am a girl. I am afraid. I am afraid of the dark, not because of the fairytale demons but because of men. I am afraid of that teenage boy who always wait at the square near the speed breaker and gives a sinister smile whenever my scooty passes from over it. I am afraid of that professor who asks me to come in his cabin after the class for better comprehension of the topic. I am afraid of that friend who asks to come for a party in a night club. I am even afraid of my cousin who often comes at home when I am alone.

I am a girl. I don’t follow the ordinary 24-hour clock. I follow the rape-clock. In that clock the day ends at 6 pm not at 12’o clock midnight. I have to finish my all outside work before that. I don’t follow the normal fashion trends, that’s too mainstream. Isn’t it? I follow the rape-trends. Guess what, skirts above knees, crop tops, sleeveless, skinny jeans, tight kurtas and even a light makeup is a tad old fashioned in that culture. Oh I have to reach the airport as early as possible but I will not take a cab. Why? Pheww….it’s not trending in rape-trend. Don’t you know that?

I am a girl and I am guilty of it. I am guilty for having something that makes those innocent men with hairs protruding out from the top two open buttons of their shirt whistle at me. I am guilty of having a couple of male friends with whom I hang out with. Oh man….what a slut I am!! I am guilty of having fun in pub. I am even guilty of calling that plumber at home when the tap stopped working. I should have waited for my father to come.

I am a girl. I am modest. I don’t shout at or hit that passenger who ‘accidentally’ happens to trip on me every now and then, because I don’t want to create a scene. Also, I have to take the same route while returning also when it would be probably dark. Accidents happen all the time. Don’t they? By the way there is a good news, I got a promotion. Ohh you guessed it! Yeah, I slept with the boss for it.

I am a girl. I am afraid BECAUSE of it. I am judged BECAUSE of it. I am guilty OF it.   

Chicken Wings

So I was eating chicken this other day in mess when suddenly one of the hostel inmates showed up near me and almost screamed, “dude!! You are a brahmin, how can you eat chicken?” After a brief pause and continuous staring in the interim he again screamed, “this chicken is paving your path to hell.” Then he walked away. I looked at the innocent looking piece on my plate and imagined a chicken chaining me and dragging me along the burning path of hell.

At night I saw the same guy voraciously gulping down bottle after bottle of alcohol on the terrace. I walked upto him, “isn’t this forbidden for brahmins?” (Yes, he was a brahmin too.) “Bro…this is cool….i am doing it just for fun and to relieve some stress….its cool…take one sip bro,” he stammered in a typical alcoholic voice. I wondered whether God might have just jotted down some rules and have said ‘follow any 5’ and then put ‘don’t eat chicken’ rule in compulsory section. I just don’t get it, if you are avoiding non-veg just for the purpose of going to heaven then do other stuffs too- like not drinking alcohol, respecting women, giving alms to poor; why just stick to one? And why are people interested whether the other person ends up in heaven or hell? Is it that they are going to form a club in heaven over there where they need bros to chill out with? Honestly, once I am dead and through this world, I don’t give two shits where I end up going afterwards.

I researched a bit to find out what are the origins of this vegetarianism culture among brahmins. I found out various reasons like: -

1.       Utilitarian point of view
India was always a crowded nation that was overpopulated. Given the low water resources and lack of irrigation, raising cattle for meat to feed the bulk of population was found hard. [Most of the Indian cattle have always been malnourished and are more often used for milk rather than meat.] At some point, eating meat became impractical from an economic point of view. Some Brahmins thought they were the ones who were required to lead other Hindus into this vegetarian point of view. 

2.       Dietary reasons
Hindu scriptures divided foods into 3 types - Satva, Rajas, Tamas. Satva includes foodstuff that improves the thinking of the mind (milk, vegetables, fruits). Rajas foods are those that kindles emotions and sensual pleasures (spices, salt) and Tamas foods are those that slows down activities (any food that is hard to digest - lot of grains, meat). Since, the priests are required to concentrate for long times, they were required to take more of Satva food - means cutting out meat, while still consuming other animal products such as milk. 
Also, Satva foods are required to not emit any strong odor. This is because the odor can disturb the mind during meditation. Apart from meat, many orthodox Brahmins also avoid other smelly foods such as Garlic and onion. 

3.       Spiritual reasons
Brahmins are required to spend a lot of time meditating and the act of killing any animal (himsa) can disturb the mind during the meditation. It can bring both guilt and violence in the mind. Apart from avoiding meat, Brahmins were also barred from warfare and any other kind of aggression that can disturb the mind.

People like that guy who was guiding me to heaven had none of the above three reason to not eat chicken. He is insanely rich, he doesn’t meditate and ahimsa-he might probably don’t know its meaning even. There is this other guy who devours non veg on all days but Saturday. Why? So that shani dev don’t get angry with him. Like seriously! That innocent planet out there is happy revolving around the sun, he doesn’t even have telescope on it to see what’s on earth, he is not even aware that people here have named a day after him leave alone getting offended by a miniscule human eating chicken on one day. Then I have this friend who smokes weed whole year but doesn’t touch a cigarette during the month of savan. Why? To get rid of sins!! People bathe in ganga to get rid of sins. What I see is that, they are only polluting the river. The guilt of your sins remain attached to your souls till you don’t do anything to atone them no matter how many savans you spend avoiding smoking and non-veg.

I don’t have anything against vegetarianism. Everyone has their tastes and is free to choose his lifestyle. Vegetarianism or non-vegetarianism-your choice. It’s perfectly fine that you don’t want to eat non veg on particular days, but I want to say that don’t attach unnecessary notions to it and worse, don’t force your beliefs on others. Hinduism is not a religion, it is a way of life…..a very scientific way of life. Whatever is written in our vedas and scriptures have a profound meaning and reason behind it. Try to understand that reason. It harsh but true-some of our rituals may have lost their necessity in today’s era but were really handy in ancient times. For example-throwing of coin in rivers. Earlier the coins were made of copper and brass and these two metals are believed to have purifying effect on water, so that’s why the wise men said ‘honor the river by offering coins’. Now the coins aren’t made of copper, rest you can guess yourself, but still people take all the pains to walk to the door of moving train and throw the coin whenever a river shows up and if they miss it, they mourn in such a way as if they have just discovered they have AIDS. Take another example- the tradition of putting tilak or bindi. We all know about the mythological significance but if you delve into its scientific origins you will find that, that spot between the eyes is a converging point of nerves and that massaging them relieves a person of stress and insomnia. This tradition should be followed, but young guys nowadays are abashed of wearing tilak and going out in public.

The crux is, we are free to choose our way of life. Eating chicken doesn’t define your path to heaven or hell. A chicken is better than that chick who said she will give life for you and then left you…..a chicken actually gave life for you. Most of the people don’t know where they are heading to next weekend but are overly cautious in deciding that after death they want to go to heaven. Heaven or hell….what’s the difference? Once you are dead, you are dead!!