Life's centre

Ping! My phone beeped again. It was the third whatsapp message. I was at the dinner table, sitting beside my mom. I had ignored the first two messages because of the mom factor, but this had to be answered. So, I held my breath, focused my energy and finally made that valiant step; I took out the phone from my pocket while chapatti was still residing in my plate. And my worst nightmare came true! “Khila le phone ko b……ye b patla hua ja rha h tei tarah!!” my mom snapped. GOD! I wonder wherefrom mothers get that mammoth level of sarcasm. “I am almost done mom, this is important,” I tried to reason with her. Now there’s this rule with mothers- when they are in a mood to scold you…..don’t try to reason with them! It is probably more dangerous than going to Afganistan without a bulletproof vest. Well, I broke that rule. “Whom do you talk to? Your friends also leave their food and drown in that 5 inch screen? Do you even know how much effort goes into cooking that food? How will you know……you are always too busy with the phone and your useless friends to help me in the kitchen. Make your phone your mom….ask it to cook your food.” There was no escape from these accusations. I had no option but to keep my eyes down and listen and hope that this lecture doesn’t turn out to be one of those one hour lectures which cover all the problems ranging from my poor grades to global warming and link them to that innocent device. Unfortunately, it did.

It’s true that my mom simply hates the new generation of smart phones but at that time, her chiding was legitimate. I must say, I was addicted to my phone! When my whatapp stopped, my facebook opened, when facebook stopped, quora opened, when quora stopped, a message came on whatsapp and the cycle continued. However, the irony was that, in spite of the fact that I used my phone 24x7, I seldom made calls from it! This used to infuriate my mother even more. For me, the phone used to be a means of escape; when I had to escape from the boring lecture but couldn’t bunk the class, facebook came to rescue, when I found the long assignments too monotonous to do, whatsapp message used to pop up. The fact that I overlooked was that, although the phone provided an escape from my problems, it didn’t solve them. I didn’t realize, but slowly this means to escape from world became my world. Now this was because of multiple reasons, but more on that later. The big picture was that, due to some circumstances, I had inextricably interwined the phone in my lifestyle such that I couldn’t imagine my life without that 5-inch box.

Just a few days back, something happened which changed my perspective. My phone stopped charging. I did what every Indian does when his phone malfunctions; I restarted the phone. I always wonder what’s the logic behind this, but more often than not, it actually solves the problem. I wish we could do the same to people, when they malfunction, simply restart them! Poor thing! God forgot to give us a power button! In my case, however, the problem was not solved. I tried every other card in my deck, changed the data-cable, changed the adaptor, restored factory settings but the battery kept draining its power and then finally, the phone got switched off. That moment was one of the many full stops that I have encountered in my life. I remember, I sat on my bed for over an hour in contemplation. I simply stared blankly at the wall. There was not one particular thing that crossed my mind, rather my mind became a thronged square with an immovable traffic. Various problems were honking, insecurities were crashing, anxieties were involved in petty fight with optimism. All this because that one thing, which I had made the center of my life. was not working.

I spent the next two or three days in such conflicts and moments of isolation. Anyone who tried to invade my isolation irked me. I was so gloomy, so sad. Apparently for no reason! After that, I started accepting the fact that it was gone. I started doing things which I used to escape from. Most of my problems were actually getting solved! Earlier I used to lament that I do not study properly because the professors do not teach well, perhaps they don’t know anything. I realized that I did not study properly because I did not study at all, it had nothing to with the profs, they were doing their business properly. Miraculously, my class notes started getting up to date. I was not sitting in the class like a retard who wasn’t aware of what’s going on. And after about a week, I found myself writing my first blog post. Earlier, I always used to think that I would write something which a wide variety of people will appreciate but I never wrote any such thing. When I published my first blog post and after that went into the hostel mess, there were many people who appreciated my effort. And this process continued for several days in classroom, in jhoops( a makeshift dhaba outside our college campus) and wherever I went. I was elated. The fact that those many people actually read my blog was a matter of sheer pleasure for me. Meanwhile, no one with whom I used to chat over fb or whatsapp other than my siblings and parents took pains to call me and ask that why I wasn’t online or not replying. Probably they didn’t notice. At the back of my mind, I had anticipated this.

We make somethings or some people the center of our life and start revolving around them, but we forget that our life is not a circle with a fixed radius, rather it’s a tan curve which tends to infinity. This conclusion was not only because of losing a phone, rather it was triggered by it, this incident was a catalyst to a reaction which I had been battling with since past few months. It was about some people who used to be the center of my life’s circle, but now I couldn’t even find them in my plane. Life is about eliminating such points. Nothing should be the center of your life other than you. I had made something the center of my life and when it was gone, I thought how I am gonna live now! But here I was, doing absolutely fine, perhaps even better. Ever seen a boy playing with a stone tied to a string. He revolves the stone in circle. What happens when the string breaks? The stone flies away. We over rate things such as first love or money, we ourselves limit our scope by tying us to some feelings or people or things. Just imagine where you would land if you simply snap the string which is tying you to your life’s center.

P.S. Initially I was thinking of taking a new smart phone, but now I am content with a small Samsung guru handset and my mom is the happiest creature on planet.